Catching Up

Whoah. Looooooong time, no see. I've been experiencing some of the steepest uphill battles that life has to offer for the last few years. I had gotten completely burned out on blogging and some of the "politics" that come along with it. But it has been so long since I have done any journaling of any kind, there's barely any mention of Corgan in my diaries, and absolutely NONE of our new addition, Duncan. Not even a note about my pregnancy. A few weeks ago, some circumstance led me to come poking around my old blog posts, and suddenly I felt like everything I've been needing was right here. Just to have a place to talk about and analyze my day, document the hilarity that is living with four boys (I'd forgotten some of these stories I blogged about so long ago. For shame that some are now "lost" because I hadn't been writing anything down.)

I've always loved writing, and I think I've taken for granted how much it really helps me in bad times. And times have not been very good. We've had many blessings, but there have also been times the last few years that I've honestly wondered HOW I was going to get through some of the crap that was being slung my way. But I'm still here, and I feel stronger, and I need to harness the power of writing to make sure I stay that way and only grow stronger.

Instead of doing one huge, long post to catch up on everything, I'm just going to break things down and post here and there some updates, interspersed with semi-daily happenings and just whatever is on my mind. I say this now, because at one point this came up with some other bloggers I know: I am not doing this for anyone but me. If you read it and enjoy it, that is fabulous and I'm happy. But do not feel obligated to leave any comments. It doesn't hurt my feelings, because I know not all people are "commenters." If you wish to leave one, that is also fabulous and also makes me happy. But I still love you if you do not, because I know it's not a reflection on me or how you feel about me.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

... start writing again. Really. I think I can. I WILL do it. It may take me a while to get back into the writing groove, but I will try. Since I don't have anything spectacular to report right now, I think I'll just give some wee updates on different topics and post a few pictures. Then we'll see what I can come up with tomorrow. Or the next day. Or, you know, sometime.

Ewan is incredible. He is loving kindergarten, and announced yesterday he has a girlfriend named Sarah. For the past two days, all he has talked about are the superhero team he has formed with Sarah, Natalie, each of us, and the cats. For Halloween, he wants to be AntMan, a hero he made up after an ant bit him (mimicking what he'd seen on Spiderman when Peter Parker is bitten by the spider.) Ewan is incredibly smart, and excessively sensitive. I love him madly and am so glad to be his mommy. I'm afraid he's more like me than I would like to admit, and that equates to being a major challenge. He requires more patience and care than the other two put together, but I know through prayer and faith, it'll all be worth it.
Fynn is hilarious and fun and stubborn and frustrating, and acts like a turd much of the time. He's in his testing phase, which means he ignores nine out of ten words that come out of my mouth just so he can see how I'll react. Unfortunately, I haven't been strict enough on him - not like I was on Ewan. Being pregnant and having Corgan when Fynn was so young really threw a wrench in my parenting philosophies and one year later, we are still recovering. But I'm trying to get the reins back, and hope to be raising a polite, kind, obedient little boy soon. I mean, within reason. He is a little boy, after all. And a very cute one at that. His face is so angelic, it belies the growling attitude he has most of the time. But he's still my little cherub who loves to play ball and cars, be a superhero, and copies everything his big brother does. Everything.

Corgan is quite a big boy. His height and weight are in the 95th percentile. He actually only began to army crawl about one month ago; the doctor said when they are tall and big like that it is harder for them to get their heft around. Today for the first time, he can go from crawling to sitting up all on his own. And he's ready to start pulling up to stand. It's possible he'll be a slightly late walker, but I'm not concerned. He loves the kitties and meows back at them. He actually had a two minute long conversation with momma kitty Ruby today. It was very cute. He says "dada" and is working on "mama" which usually comes out "nana." He's still more blond than his brothers, and I kiss his feet and squeeze his thighs regularly. I can't believe he'll be one year old in a month. I mean, didn't I just have him last month?

The animal kingdom is alive and thriving in my home. Well, maybe not thriving. Two months ago, a hamster escaped its cage and was found the next day - rather, a piece of her was found the next day. I guess Ruby was hungry. In addition, Ruby has severed the tails of two, count them, TWO different gerbils, as well as murdering another. The survivors, short stub tails notwithstanding, are doing well. One of them has become my friend, squeaking at me and letting me pet her. The other gerbil... Well, I just can't help wishing SHE had escaped her cage instead of the hamster. I actually have a pretty funny story about that, but I'll save it. I went a little crazy after the deaths of the gerbil and hamster, and replaced them rapidly. So the current (and final) tally is two gerbils, two mice, and two hamsters. I can't help it; I like the furry little buggers.

We have kept two of the kittens from Ruby's litter, two little boys we named Oliver and Mudflap (Ewan named him after a Transformer.) They are sweet little guys, and I love them so!


Lucy, a cat I bought with babysitting money when I was 16 years old, had to be put to sleep last week. She had a tumor behind her tongue that couldn't be removed without removing her tongue. So she was basically going to starve to death either way. I went to the veterinarian with my dad, who has been her constant companion since I left and got married, and I was with her until the end, which wasn't easy. I tell you, that cat has absorbed more of my tears in years past as she gave me love and comfort - during an awful heartbreak, through getting over it, moving away from home, coming back with my tail between my legs, through meeting Bryce and watching him leave on a mission, through the two years waiting for him to come home...
I feel badly for my parents, who had gotten quite attached to her, more attached than I've ever seen them to any other animal. But I'm sure she's happy, and I feel confident she's somewhere with my little Flex, playing and being friends.

Me, I'm still fat and trying to motivate myself to work out and lose the stinkin' weight. I had a setback in the middle of July when I injured my knee and had to have surgery. It's still not back at 100%, but I'm doing physical therapy, and hope to be back to normal very soon. Then I won't have any more excuses. Ewan said to me the other day, "Mommy, you need to lose weight. Every day you look like you have a baby in your belly. I call you 'needing to lose weight' mommy." It didn't hurt my feelings, it made me laugh. But when my five year old can tell I'm unhealthy, it's very convincing. For too long I've thought, "Hey, I'm young, I have time, I don't have to worry about disease or diabetes, yet." I realized finally that I am working my way through my 30s, and I don't have time anymore.

Bryce and I had our garage converted into a bedroom for us. Our home is very small - 850 sq. ft. give or take, only two bedrooms, and we were sharing a room with Corgan. There were days Bryce would come home and I'd be laying on my bed having a claustrophobic fit. There was just room for nothing, and often when I needed a moment to myself, Corgan would be napping and I couldn't go in there. I'm grateful for our house, and we have a nice, huge backyard, but we really needed our own space. So now we do, and it's lovely. Thanks to *you know who you are* for this wonderful room, and thanks to Shannon for helping me put it together.

This is already too long - the perils of not keeping up. I hope you stuck through to this point. Hopefully I will be up and running more often, humor intact. And now I need to catch up on all of your blogs! Now - good night!

Indecisive Ida

I had put down on my Facebook status that I was shutting Skillywidden down and keeping it as a personal journal. But I don't really want that; I like updating everyone with pictures and stories and tidbits. The problem is that while I was pregnant and tired and hurting nonstop, I just got so burned out, and I haven't shaken that feeling quite yet, but I want to. Because of my lack of updating, the number of people who actually look at my blog has gone down to less than 10. When I very first starting writing a blog, I loved it and felt I was good at it. I want to enjoy it again, and will make more of an effort to get back to where I was before my pregnancy turned me into a shell of my former self. It's funny - my pregnancy with Ewan was mostly okay, but with Fynn and with Corgan - my butt was totally kicked. I used to be an avid gardener, but during my pregnancy with Fynn, I lost all interest and haven't really gotten it back yet. Then with Corgan it was my writing that I fell out of love with - and I haven't gotten it back, either.

Well, whatever the reason, I'm going to make an effort from now. I'm going to try to actually write something every day - not really for the sake of updating, but to get me back into the groove of writing. I do love to write, and always have. So you'll be hearing more from me.

I think.

Brycentonian

I haven't had much to blog about lately. Dooce posted some random questions and answers about her husband, and it was so fun to read more about her and him. She invited readers to do the same in her comments or on their own blog. I think I've posted a version of this before, so I apologize if any of this repeats. Before I get into it, however, there is a project Missy and I have been working on for about a month - and we are very excited about it. That's all I'll say about it for now - but check in next week for more details.  (And don't even ask me - I will so not tell you yet.  No matter who you are.)  Who knows... perhaps there will even be a lovely giveaway.  Or several...

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Nicole, his middle name is Patrick.

How long have you been together?
We were kind of "together" for over two years before we got married, so all totaled we've been together over eight years.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Maybe a month.

Who asked whom out?
Pretty much I asked him out. I was pretty confident and bold, which is not usually like me, and I actually used some pick-up lines. "Wow, your eyes are so pretty." I had a wonderful guy friend plant the seed in his head about me, and then I started asking for rides to everything. "I just don't have a way to get there, can I get your number and I'll call you to give you directions...?" Next thing I knew, rides turned into spending full days together, each outing more elaborate and "datelike," often ending in an all-night phone call.

How old are each of you?
I'm 32 and he's 29.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
About the same. I have eight siblings, five of which live in Utah. He hasn't even met one of my brothers. I have Ashley that we see fairly often, and Amy lives in Austin so we only see her occasionally. We see my brother Erik maybe once every six months. Bryce has two brothers, one in Chicago and one in Houston. We just see them whenever they are in town.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Right now, adjusting to life after Corgan. The pregnancy was so incredibly hard on me in so many ways, and I'm still recovering - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually - you name it. Plus, Corgan has been our most difficult baby. He's quite the crier, and won't ever be consoled by Bryce.

Did you go to the same school?
No.

Are you from the same home town?
Close. Him - Duncanville. Me - Grand Prairie. For non-Texans, that's less than ten miles.

Who is smarter?
We are both smart in very different ways. I'm more of a word/English smart, and he's more math/computer smart.

Who is the most sensitive?
Both.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Usually wherever I pick. He's good about that.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Oregon.

Who has the craziest exes?
I would have to say me, just because I have more exes. The odds are in my favor.

Who has the worst temper?
ME.

Who does the cooking?
Me, IF it gets done. I hate cooking.

Who is the neat-freak?
I try to be.

Who is more stubborn?
Me.

Who hogs the bed?
Corgan. :)

Who wakes up earlier?
Bryce. Or Ewan, the little booger.

Where was your first date?
There were many "first dates." Friendly "I don't want to admit I like you" date was On the Border. Friendlier "I totally dig you, man, but don't want you to know. But I'll still take you to this totally expensive restaurant" date was at a place called Aquanox. Then there was just watching the rain in his backyard. No one certain first date, really.

Who is more jealous?
Bryce. Bryce. Bryce. Bryce. Bryce.

How long did it take to get serious?
Maybe two weeks.

Who eats more?
Totally me. He orders salads and water. I order steak with double fries, a side of mashed potatoes and a trough of Coke. But he snacks CONSTANTLY, whereas I do not.

Who does the laundry?
Me.

Who's better with the computer?
Bryce

Who drives when you are together?
Usually Bryce.

Feel free to copy!

Eyelashes the sequel

Brace yourself - I'll be posting several times until I get caught up. Maybe all tonight, maybe over the next few days. For now, here's a couple cute pictures.

Ewan has gotten to this stage where he hates to let us take a picture, so we have to sneak up on him. This was taken on their trip to San Angelo the weekend after Thanksgiving. We like our iPod in this family. Too much.

Mommy's amateur shot of Corgan. He was smiling at some point, I swear.

Reunited and it feels so good.

I finally have my computer back!  I am so happy!  Sad that it makes me so happy, though.  I'll be catching up on blogs and stuff over the next few days.  I need to see what atrocities those Fug girls have been documenting...

Fynn was quite sick but is now back to 100%.  Ewan had a fever and that's it, hopefully it stays that way.  We are relying on faith that Corgan won't catch any of the bugs.  

I don't really have much else, except that I did actually make new stockings for Bryce and myself.  I may get around to posting the pictures of them tonight, maybe not.  I am very happy with them.  They certainly have more personal touches than the other atrocities I made before.  

And that's all I got.

Currently...

... waiting for my toenails to dry (hence this pointless post).

... breathing hard, recovering from giving myself a home pedicure with this belly as an obstacle.

... listening to my iTunes mix, currently on "A Forest" by The Cure.

... thirsty, but afraid the water I want will give me heartburn.  Which it will.

... gagging on the aftertaste of Tums.

... thinking the Super Hopeless Romance Blog chick is making a lot of it up.

... e-mailing Jenny and Sarah.

... wishing the Gossip Girl website would update with the new episode.

... wondering who is really going to care what I'm currently up to.

... regretting the serious over-abundance of fudge I consumed earlier.

... laughing at the fact that when I go in to have the baby, I'll be more excited about the epidural because I won't feel my back and leg pain than I will be about the baby.  (Not totally kidding.)

... wondering if Marianne can text-message because I lost her e-mail.  Already.

... wanting this and these.

... loving my cobalt blue toenails.

He may have been weird, but at least he was right

Remember this post?  Specifically how I fell in the river, and some women were making some slightly catty remarks about me traipsing around slippery rocks while being pregnant and one of their husbands shouted at the top of his lungs, in a perfect Larry the Cable Guy accent, "That baby's safe in its embryotic sac!"  Well, I'm glad he was right, because I fell off of our porch today.  Yeah, from the top.  I have no idea really what happened.  I just stepped right off of the top step, and tumbled down the rest of the way.  Luckily my instincts must have kicked in, because I stuck out my elbow and was able to break the fall for my belly.  But holy cow, my elbow hurt so badly that I lay there stunned for a while.  The boys and Bryce were outside with me and they came over.  Ewan was very concerned, but when I asked if my fall scared him, he said no.  Later he told me he was unhappy when I fell because he's always unhappy if I hurt myself and that it worried him.  I'm fine now, just kind of sore, and my elbow is not happy at all.  I'm just glad that's all it was, because it really could have been bad.  

But back onto lovely things, didn't Missy do the BEST JOB ever on my blog?  I love it so much, and as I've told her repeatedly, I cannot thank her enough!  Everything is still pretty much a work in progress as I decide what to do with my other columns because I really want to change most of what I have on here.  For now, it's just so pretty to look at.  This is why I wanted to go back public, it's too awesome to hide from the world.  

And the second lovely thing, my little sister is going in tomorrow have her first baby.  I wish I could go down to Austin and see him after he comes, but I don't think it's going to be possible.  I'm sending her my thoughts and love via the Internet.

No fears

I did not delete my blog again. I wanted to go back to being public, but I didn't want to go back and edit all the stuff on my other blog that I wanted to remain private. So I'm basically just starting fresh with this, and it'll be a work in progress over the next few days and this week. My other one still exists, I just changed the URL to http://privateskillywidden.blogspot.com. It's just going to be my archive, and I'll be updating from now on here.  If there ever is something I want to blog about and have it remain private, like pictures of my kids without their underwear (kidding), I'll post it to Private Skillywidden and put a little post on here directing my privatees there.